How to keep the fire burning in your marriage

Hello wifey,

Today, I will be sharing a post I wrote on Amy's blog.

Sex is very important in marriage and as a matter of fact, it’s also very important to God. God gave us sex as an amazing way to strengthen the  bond between a husband and a wife, throughout the lifetime  of a marriage. Sex is the healing balm for every hurts and offenses committed against one another.

How to keep the fire burning in your marriage

Sex is that special connection that is shared with no other person and it brings so much closeness and intimacy. Of course, there’s more to marriage than sex, but then sex is highly important and should not laid aside.

How to keep the fire burning in your marriage

One of the most important things to do in marriage is to keep the fire in the bedroom burning. It is very important because if you don’t, the fire will die. Every fire needs fuel to keep it going, and that fuel must always be supplied at every point in time. In marriage, there’s need for husband and wife to continually fan to flame the intimacy that’s between them.

A lot of times, when couples divorce one another, it’s not because there is no more love, it’s just because they no longer do for each other, those things that matters in the marriage. I once read about a couple that were at the verge of divorce but the wife requested that the husband carries her in his arms every morning to the car, throughout the one month preceding the divorce. Can you believe that that singular act changed everything and after the one month, things got back to normal.

In this post, I will be highlighting important things that helps to keep the fire burning in any marriage.

 1. Effective Communication

How to keep the fire burning in your marriage

Communication is one of the most important tools in marriage. Communication is the rope that binds a relationship together. Everything in marriage is centered around communication. In order to keep the fire burning in the bedroom, there’s need to keep on talking about sex with your spouse. Regularly discuss together, your ideas about sex and how to make things better for each of you. Don’t just leave things to chance, talk about it. Talk about what you are doing wrong and what you are doing right. Talk as much as possible about sex.

2. Be Intentional

How to keep the fire burning in your marriage

Sometimes, life becomes a routine. We wake up, prepare kids for school, go to work, do home duties, and all. It’s so easy to get  infused in the routine, and everything  remains the same. Never allow the busyness of life to affect your sexual relationship. Be intentional. Always think about how to make things better on your own, and how -to make things work out  together, by talking about it.  Don’t let the motions of life deny you the great pleasure that the Lord wants you to enjoy with our spouse.  Never allow things to become monotonous. Always think of how to spice up things in the bedroom. Of course, there are times that we just get so occupied and things gets dry and boring for a while. It’s okay, but as soon as you realize this, don’t stay there, pick it up from there and begin to spice things up again.

3.  Have a renewed mind about sex

There’s no better place to learn about sex than God’s word. You need to renew your mind and understand sex from the perspective of the word of God. The best place place to start to learn about sex is from God’s word, not from friends, not from Hollywood.

Let me give an instance, society may say that it’s okay to deny your spouse sex, or use sex as a manipulation tool. Scriptures however says that you should not deny your spouse except it’s with consent.

Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.  Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 

I Corinthians 7:3-5 NKJV

Sometimes it’s okay to say No, especially if your spouse understands. The truth however is that  if you say no every time, especially because you are tired or because there’s an hurt in your heart against your spouse, you will find that it would take weeks or sometimes months before you would have get back to having sex as a couple. And you see, God’s intention is that you have sex as much as possible. ‘Do not deprive one another’ is an instruction and a  command, not a suggestion.

Sex is like the thermometer of one’s marriage, that is, how frequently you have it, says something about how strong and intimate you are in your marriage, and also having it frequently, helps to increase intimacy.

Another scripture to consider is this:

Let nothing be  done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. 

Philippians 2:3-4 NKJV

Understand that sex is not a chore, it’s for pleasure. Sex is a way to bless your spouse, it’s not all about you. If it’s all about you, then you can do it whenever you like and how ever you like. However, when you know that it’s more about ministering to your spouse, it changes your entire outlook to it.

4. Flirt with your spouse

How to keep the fire burning in your marriage

One way to stay connected to our spouses during the day such that it’s easy to say yes at night, is to think about them. Learn to think about your spouse during the day. You can as well send flirty text messages. Flirty text messages are like gathering the clouds in preparation for a mighty rain. It helps to set the tone for a great sex later in the course of the day.

See what the wife in songs of Solomon was thinking or maybe saying about her husband…

My beloved is radiant and ruddy, distinguished among ten thousand. His head is the finest gold; his locks are wavy, black as a raven. His eyes are like doves beside streams of water, bathed in milk, sitting beside a full pool. His cheeks are like beds of spices, mounds of sweet-smelling herbs. His lips are lilies, dripping liquid myrrh.  His arms are rods of gold, set with jewels.  His body is polished ivory, bedecked with sapphires.  His legs are alabaster columns, set on bases of gold.  His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as the cedars. His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable.  

Songof Songs 5:10-16

Imagine thinking in such manner about your spouse. It heightens your sexual longing.

Touch your spouse. Touches are very important, not only when it’s time for the act, but throughout the day. Invest in sexy lingerie. Unleash the seductress in you. Say no to Granny’s pant. Be flirty towards your husband. Remember that men are visual beings. Accept yourself just the way you are. Truly, childbirth changes a lot of things; loose belly, loose breasts. However, know that your husband still finds you attractive and so be free to express yourself.  Initiate sex. Men are not very creative people. They are monotonous, they can stick to one pattern for a long time. Women however have a more natural tendency to be creative. In matters of the bedroom, be as creative as possible. Initiate another style, initiate another pattern. Get naughty, be creative. Who says a Christian’s sex life should be boring! There’s no limit to how much you can get creative and innovative. When you are uninhibited in your sexual expression towards your spouse, you become an exciting and stimulating partner and you also find enjoyment in the relationship.

5. Always affirm your spouse positively

A man that knows that he’s highly accepted by his wife has an increased confidence. A woman, that receive positive affirmations especially about her body, has an increased self confidence and is allowed to be fully expressive, without any form of shame or reservations. Start to give your spouse words of affirmation about his or her sexual prowess. Whenever you want to communicate any challenge to your spouse about his or her sexual ability, do so with grace, such that there’s no hurt or bad feelings.

5. Prioritize your relationship with God

The first thing to know is that there is a relationship between the fire in one’s spirit and the fire in the bedroom. The more we understand who we are in Christ Jesus, the more we understand the love of Christ, the more we will love one another, and the more we will be able to express ourselves in the bedroom. This is  why,  I want to emphasize on our relationship with the Lord. If we are not on fire for the Lord, there’s no way we are going to be on fire for one another.

One of my favorite scripture is Isaiah 54:5 NKJV.

For your Maker is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth.

Please read the rest of the article on Amy's blog.

Feel free to comment. Love you.

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