How to speak to your husband

Hi wifey,

There's a way to speak to your husband. Your words have a very great impact on him, more than anyone else's words. 

Here are some important things to note on how to speak to your husband

1. Speak with Grace

Let your words be with grace to your man. Never ever abuse your husband or speak derogatory words (not only to your husbands anyway). We don't do that in the kingdom. We speak only graceful words; words that lifts up. There are times when you need to make a point known or you need to communicate something you are not pleased with, learn to say it with grace, never with the intention of hurting him but always with the intention of making progress with him.

Please trust the Spirit of God for help in this area. Personally, there had been times when I plan to say my mind, in the exact way I feel but the Spirit of God will say to drop the approach and give me clear instructions on what to say.

If speaking with grace is a challenge for you, begin to confess God's word concerning it. You are a graceful wife, you speak with grace at all times. You are not an angry wife.

How to speak to your husband
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Let your speech always be  with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

Colossians 4:6 

2. Think the best of him

How to speak to your husband
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Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Always think the best of your husband. If you notice, you speak wrong words to your husband those times when you allow yourself to dwell on wrong thoughts about him. Hence, always think highly of him. Love thinks the best of people. Love give allowances for people's wrongs. Love assumes the best of people. Love make excuses for people. Always look at situations with a wider lens before you conclude. Never ever make rash decisions. Rather than speak, be silent and trust the Spirit of God for the right words to say just at the right time.

3. Affirm him

Learn to speak affirming words. He longs for your affirmation more than any other person's affirmation. You can not affirm your husband too much. Please be very expressive in affirming your husband. No body will affirm him for you.

Look out for things to affirm each day. Affirm the very little things, affirm the big things. Don't be a miser in affirming your husband. The more you affirm your husband, the more he affirms you too. Actually, when a man feels respected, he automatically shows affection.

How to speak to your husband
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Affirm his leadership skill, affirm his physical appearance, affirm the way he loves you, affirm his sexual prowess. 

Never ever speak ill of your husband's sexual ability. There's nothing that can make a man so down as much as that. A man's manliness so to say is tied to his ability to satisfy his wife sexually.

So you have got to affirm him in that area. Never make him feel like he's not doing well.

Now, I am not asking us to pretend. In a situation where he needs to improve on some things, you communicate with grace.

Learn to wrap up your comments within words of affirmation.

Never let your motive be to hurt your husband. Always let your motive be to get the best of the situation.

Instead of say, 'you are very poor in bed, you don't satisfy me sexually'. You could start by saying, 'You are the best husband in the world, you make me feel like a woman. You are so sweet in bed. Every encounter with you leaves me not the same way. After saying all these, then you can say whatever you want to point his attention to. 

How to speak to your husband
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4. Speak highly of him in front of people.

Never speak ill of your husband to people: your friends, your parents, even mentors and pastors. Don't be in company of women that speaks ill of their husbands. Run away from such company.

In a situation, where you need to seek for counsel or maybe report him (in which this should be a last resort though), discuss issues, without stabbing his personality. The fact that you agreed to marry him, implies that he was good for you and he had characters that you admired. Therefore, don't allow any issue at the moment blind your perception of him. Have a correct attitude and response.

5. Respond to the Holy Ghost prompts.

It's very important to respond to the Holy Spirit prompts, in communication with your husband. Sometimes He says to keep quiet, and then you keep quiet. Sometimes He says to speak, and then at that time, you rely on His wisdom on what exactly to say and how to say it.


It's very possible to always speak with Grace  to our husbands. I have tried it and I see that it works. You need to be conscious about it. JOB said he has made a covenant with his eyes not to look at a woman lustfully.

"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman

Job 31:1

Can you also make a covenant with your mouth never to speak ill to your husband. You have got to make that covenant wifey.

Your husband is whatever you call him. You can form his attitudes to you with the words of your mouth. Here's an article on the power of words.

If you praise him like a king, he will act to you like a king. If you call him stupid or mad, he will be to you as a stupid man or a mad man.

Begin to dwell on God's word concerning your speech to your husband. Meditate and write out your confessions.

You can please download my scriptural confessions for graceful speech here.

Important Note:

I do not believe that the whole burden of having a beautiful marriage rest on the wife only. My belief is that the husband and the wife have their roles to play in a marriage relationship, and that the roles are independent of one another, that is, fulfilling your role as a wife should not depend on whether your husband fulfils his role.  I am however called to write to wives, and that is why I focus on the responsibility of wives. There are amazing resources where husbands can also learn about their responsibilities. Here is one of them.


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